A Different Perspective on New Year’s Resolutions
Resolution season is here.
New Year's resolutions have been written, set, and are ready to be implemented; it's the stuff dreams are made of... seldomly!
Resolutions can sometimes be a plan to fail disguised as half-hearted “wellness,” if we're being honest. I mean, have you thought about what could happen if these goals aren't met? Are these resolutions simply aspirations, pipe dreams, or are they reasonably achievable goals? I know many of the New Year's resolutions I've set for myself in years past haven't always gone as planned, sometimes for the better, other times not so much. Don’t get me wrong, New Year’s resolutions are excellent benchmarks to set, but before you set your 2022 goals, take a step back and think about what you really want out of your resolutions. In other words, what changes in your behavior do you want? I’d hate for you to be setting yourself up for disappointment, so if my pontification has inspired you to revise your resolutions, here are a few things I suggest.
Set doable goals.
Before you embark on your transformative journey to a better Self, start by setting doable goals—and meaningful too. Try not to follow trends or let our fragile society dictate what your goals should be. I feel it’s okay to keep your finger on the pulse of popular culture and social media, but try to merely take suggestions and not advice from the Internet. (Yes, I see the irony of this being said on an online blog post.)
Be specific with what you'd like to achieve.
Set a plan that outlines the steps you need to take to get to your desired outcome.
Get comfortable with failing as it will be inevitable and often helpful.
Be Smart.
Use the acronym that's proven successful time and time again, and set up SMART goals. This acronym was coined in 1981 from the journal Management Review, and it stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.
Specific: Don't be ambiguous about your resolution, be clear and concise so that the steps towards your goal are crystal clear.
Measurable: New Year’s resolutions should ideally take you closer to a measurable objective; whether it's weight loss or money saved for a vacation, these quantifiable steps can become your revised New Year’s resolutions.
Achievable: Resolutions need to be attainable; if you're new to running, don't set a goal of completing a marathon because that might not be realistic. Aim for a 5K first, for example, and then work your way up to the marathon!
Relevant: Make sure your resolutions are relevant to you. If you're not interested in what your resolution is asking of you or if you’re doing it for someone else, chances are you won't follow through.
Time-bound: If it's not time-bound, there’s less drive or sense of urgency that can encourage you to push yourself.
So, be mindful of the above characteristics when you're setting your 2022 resolutions.
Keep a journal of your resolutions.
I keep a bullet journal, and I've found that writing out my goals as I'm setting them serves as a reminder of my initial objective, so when those roadblocks pop up, it's easy to see how I can work around them to accomplish my goal. This helps me better process and understand my intentions; track the progress of my goals; note mistakes and lessons learned; and course correct.
Make a plan.
Reality check! Your goals will not be achieved from one day to the next. For example, suppose your goal is to purchase a home in California off of your one-income household of $60k, and you just started saving this year. In that case, you will likely not get there this year, so to help hit this goal, you might want to think of adjusting—and sometimes confronting—your behaviors and habits.
For example:
Bad habit: I eat out 5x a week, spending roughly $100 a week
Cue: I don't have time to food prep.
Routine: I spend all my evening downtime unwinding in front of the TV
Reward: I feel relaxed.
Way to change the behavior: Instead of just watching TV in the evening, prep your lunch for the next day while binging your favorite show.
Remember that change won't happen instantly, so be patient with yourself and make minor adjustments. If you stick with your plan, these small changes will lead to significant goal achievement.
Reframe failing.
Change is hard, and when we fail, we tend to spiral downward and feel shame for not doing things differently. It's okay to feel bad and go through your emotions, but sometimes we can get stuck in this part, shut down, and abandon the plan.
Try to see failure as an opportunity to learn. You can try journaling how you felt, what you did, and why this goal was/is important to you. Identify critical takeaways—such as behaviors—from this experience to figure out what small changes you can incorporate to attain a more favorable outcome.
Focus on the progress you made to avoid feeling defeated. For instance, if you set out to run five miles this week but only managed to run two, celebrate it and try the following week again. And remember to write down your obstacles to figure out how to navigate them in the future.
One habit I've incorporated in my workday whenever I feel my mood take a negative plunge is walking. A brisk 10 to 15-minute mindful walk can be enough to reset and start again. Breathing exercises can help too! Here's a free video you can use to practice.
In the case that you miss your goal.
Welcome to reality and to being human; it’s not so bad. So, with your newly found “fail reframe” (see the above paragraphs), try to understand that you actually got wiser! So hey! Congratulations on figuring out what doesn't work so that you can optimize your new plan. You're now incorporating Thomas Edison's point of view, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
More reality: You have the liberty to start fresh any time of the year, there's no penalty for starting a goal outside of the month of January—I promise. So don't feel pressure to start anything now. Maybe pick a date that's more meaningful to you and set your own timelines and milestones (remember to be time-bound though).
Takeaways
From a very misery-loves-company viewpoint, know that you're not going through this behavioral or lifestyle change alone. Everyone has set themselves up (unknowingly) with unrealistic expectations. Be kind to yourself, and approach your endeavors with a curious mind to continually learn from your behaviors (and misbehaviors).
Consider your failures or setbacks as detours, and whenever you encounter one, make like a GPS app and redirect yourself to a better route.
And if one of your goals is to explore talk therapy, I can definitely help you with that one, starting a 30-minute cost-free consultation. Click the link below to book a consult to see if I’m the right therapist for you.